No one enjoys being around someone who always wants to argue. The Bible has a lot to say about being quarrelsome—and it’s not good. A quarrelsome spirit often brings division, tension, and hurt. God calls His people to be peace-makers, not troublemakers. Let’s look at what the Bible teaches about being quarrelsome and why it matters.
What Does It Mean to Be Quarrelsome?
To be quarrelsome means to argue, complain, or fight often. It’s not just speaking your mind—it’s doing so in a way that causes strife. A quarrelsome person looks for conflict instead of peace.
“As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.” — Proverbs 26:21 (ESV)
God Values Peace Over Quarrels
God wants us to live in peace with others. That doesn't mean we avoid truth or ignore problems. But it does mean we speak with gentleness and aim for unity.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” — Romans 12:18 (ESV)
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” — Matthew 5:9 (ESV)
Quarrels Start from Pride
Pride is often the root of arguments. When we want to be right more than we want to love others, we fall into sin.
“By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom.” — Proverbs 13:10 (NKJV)
Pride makes us defensive and unwilling to listen. Humility, on the other hand, helps us build bridges instead of walls.
A Quarrelsome Person Destroys Relationships
Whether in marriage, friendship, or church life, a quarrelsome attitude tears people apart.
“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” — Proverbs 21:9 (ESV)
That verse may sound harsh, but it points to a bigger truth: a contentious spirit makes even close relationships feel unbearable.
“Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.” — Proverbs 22:10 (ESV)
Church Leaders Should Not Be Quarrelsome
The Bible says church leaders must set an example in how they speak and act. Being quarrelsome disqualifies someone from leading God’s people.
“An overseer must be… not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.” — 1 Timothy 3:3 (ESV)
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil.” — 2 Timothy 2:24 (ESV)
Instead of Quarreling, Speak with Grace
We’re told to be slow to speak and quick to listen. This keeps us from saying things we’ll regret and opens the door for grace.
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” — Colossians 4:6 (ESV)
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)
What to Do If You’re Quarrelsome
If you struggle with being quarrelsome, you're not alone. God can change hearts. Start by confessing it in prayer and asking for help to walk in love and humility.
| Step | What to Do |
|---|---|
| Pray | Ask God to soften your heart and give you peace. |
| Pause | Before speaking, take a moment to think. |
| Listen | Hear others out before you respond. |
| Forgive | Don’t hold on to bitterness. Let things go. |
| Speak kindly | Use words that build up, not tear down. |
A Peaceful Spirit Honors God
Choosing peace over conflict shows the world what God is like. He is full of mercy, slow to anger, and rich in love.
“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” — James 3:17 (ESV)
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” — Ephesians 4:31 (ESV)
A quarrelsome heart leads to brokenness, but a gentle spirit brings healing and peace. Let’s aim for that.
